When I was pregnant, I got a kick out of how all the doctors I saw insisted on bringing up repeatedly the fact that I was A.M.A. For those of you who are not in the know, that means "Advanced Maternal Age." I laughed when they said it. After all, though I may be 37 years old, I still feel like a 14 year old. But lately, I've been wondering if they were right to draw my attention to my A.M.A. Parenting certainly is exhausting. Teaching, researching, writing can in no way compare. Caring for Baby Beeton day in and day out is like an extended lesson on a really boring topic, like the proper use of the semi-colon - you've got to get psyched to face your audience, you've got to make it entertaining, and you've got to be energetic. When Baby Beeton hits the sack at 8 pm, I feel all of the energy drain out of my body... until he wakes up again for that 1 am feeding. Then, I've got to switch it on again.
Maybe I would have been better off starting this family a little earlier.
After Baby Beeton was born, I found myself thinking with nostalgia about when I first moved to D.C. I lived in a tiny studio apartment on Wisconsin Avenue. I taught only two classes a semester. And, most days, when I finished teaching class at 2:15 pm, I'd head home to walk Ella and take a snooze on my balcony. I was spoiled, even if I didn't know it at the time. In that actual moment, I remember being pretty miserable. I didn't have many friends; I struggled to make sense of my students who were so very different from the students at the University of Delaware. I felt like I was super busy and super stressed. I didn't know what busy and stressed really look like.
But this past week was a nice calm. It made me think that maybe - just maybe - this is what is in store for me. And, if so, I like it. Monday, Baby Beeton and I walked up to McDonald's for a coffee. We came home and napped together. On Wednesday, we went to the local new moms' group, and when we got home, Baby Beeton napped while I read. Thursday, I headed to Figs to have lunch by myself and really start working on this book I'm supposed to be writing. On Friday, Baby Beeton and I drove out to Leesburg to spent the day shopping with Grammy Beeton. And, on Saturday, we had our neighbors now friends over for dinner. I found myself - during this week - finding pockets of time where everything felt like my same old normal life, only quite a bit better. Like I said, if most weeks are going to be like this, I'll take it. I've got to remember these moments for what they really are.
Keep sweeping, MarthaFinished reading A Visit From the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan (definitely going on my top books of all time list).
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