If she had walked by my house on Wednesday, she would have seen me literally leaning back in my plastic adirondack chair, my feet soaking in a kiddie pool, blowing bubbles like it was my job. Which it kind of is. At least for now.
I'm not sure I care, though.
(By the way, if you work with me, you might want to skip this post. I don't want you to think less of me for leaning back instead of leaning in.)
I first heard about Sandberg and her book from one of my students - an ambitious young woman with a internship in the office of a prominent Congresswoman. When the student enthusiastically explained the premise (her mother had given it to her as a gift), I internally raised my eyebrows. It sounded incredibly problematic for a number of reasons. Sitting there, facing this eager, young undergrad, I suddenly felt very old. I could see my past self in this student, voraciously consuming Sandberg's words as I carefully planned out my post-graduation future. But realistically, from my current perspective as a new mother, trying to balance going back to work with child care, Sandberg's manifesto seemed a bit oversimplified. Perfect for a wide-eyed co-ed. Not so applicable to a thirty-nine year old, first-time mother.
Admittedly, I still haven't read the book (though it is on my "To Read" list), so I could be totally wrong about Sandberg and her advice to young women. But, I have read the criticism, and it resonantes strongly. Elsa Walsh's response in The Washington Post was particularly insightful. At fifty-five, she thinks back on her children's early years and acknowledges while it seems all consuming at the time it's really just a small, wonderful blip on the screen - one that she wouldn't have wanted to miss, leaning in at work. Allison Stevens, who writes for We News, has a similar response to Sandberg; she notes that until domestic work is shared equally amongst partners in a household there's no sense in trying to do it all. You'll just end up more tired, more angry, and more disappointed in yourself.
In her column, Stevens notes that she's "leaning back" - a philosophy which I am readily embracing this summer, even though I have a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that it might be career self-sabatoge. I still have a book to finish. But, I'm wondering now if turning two chapters into two articles would be more realistic. It would give me a lot more time for blowing bubbles, that's for sure.
In any case, I have to make peace with my career decisions this summer and into the future. Every time I think about exchanging an afternoon at the playground with an afternoon in the library, however, the playground always wins.
I keep reminding myself there are so many reasons not to feel guilty about being fully present with Baby Beeton this summer. As Walsh reminds, childhood is fleeting. And, if Baby Beeton ends up being an only, then I'll only have this one summer with a two-year old who finds such pleasure in butterflies, birdies, ice cream, and dancing to "Gangnam Style." Leaning back, in that case, sounds pretty darn good.
Some shots from our summer of leaning back.
A new favorite pastime - washing dishes (i.e. splashing, splashing, splashing!)
Hoops!
Matching shoes
A game of "whack it" - also knows as golf
One lump or two, teddy?
Keep sweeping, Martha
