One of the more challenging moments of the weekend was my giving my bridesmaid speech. At first, when I was asked to be the matron of honor, I refused to give a speech. It seemed way too intimidating. But, as the months passed, I realized that I wanted to honor my cute, funny, smart sister (Baby Beeton's quote) in some way. And, I also realized that doing things which make you uncomfortable can provide an opportunity for growth. I've had a couple of requests for my speech, so I'm posting it here. (Get inspired B - you're next!)
Good evening everyone. I’m
M's sister, and on behalf of my family, I’m here to thank you for joining M &B as they collect the first moments of their married life together.
I thought I might begin by
recognizing some of the impressive marriages on both M's and B's sides of the family.
In doing a little research,
I found that on both sides of these families there have been some very long
lasting, strong marriages, and it seems appropriate to give these couples a
shout out.
To start, B’s parents –
if my math is correct – will be married thirty-six years in April. M’s
parents mark their forty-first anniversary in just a week or so. And, M’s
grandparents who unfortunately couldn’t be with us today have been married
sixty-nine years.
B’s grandparents – his Nana
Marie who is here today – was married to her husband since 1949. And, Mr. R’s
parents who are no longer with us were married in 1939. Finally, my Nana and
Poppop who are no longer with us were married almost seventy years when my
Poppop died.
You can see why, after
reviewing this list, I was a little intimidated to offer my own marriage
advice. I wasn’t sure what advice I – with my five years experience (Frank
stands and corrects me, holding up six fingers) – could offer the newlyweds.
But then I realized that M & B are already familiar with the best metaphor that I can think
of for marriage – that of the tennis doubles team. For a successful doubles team, you
try to match up partners whose strengths compliment their partner’s weaknesses.
You have to move together as one unit. You have to communicate. You have to
celebrate the wins together and mourn the losses together. And what I’ve
learned most recently in my marriage is that you have to realize exactly when
you don’t have the strength to book it back to the baseline for that lob. And
your partner, in turn, has know when to say, “I got it.”
Now, I know that there are a
lot of expectations, given my profession as an English professor, for me to
come up with the perfect quote that sums up what marriage means. So, I didn’t
want to disappoint. I went through my volumes of Shakespeare, my Austen, and
the Romantic poets in the hopes of finding that perfect quote. And, I found it.
In a little known text, Orange Is the New
Black, a Netflix original series. In this show, there’s a scene where the
protagonist Piper is helping her best friend Polly get ready for her wedding
day. While the two are talking, Polly shares her advice for a strong relationship.
She notes that her soon-to-husband rarely gets angry when she puts her cold
feet on him in the middle of the night. She also says that he always knows when
it’s time to order Chinese food. But, it’s this quote that really resonated
with me regarding M & B's relationship. Polly says:
“You have to find someone
that you can spend two weeks with in a cramped time share in Montauk in the rain
and not want to kill… He made jigsaw puzzles fun and competitive.”
And that’s when I knew.
M & B. They’ve got this one.
So, raise your glasses as we
celebrate M & B's new partnership. We love you. Best of luck.
I don't have many photos to share, but here are three of my favorites. If you're on Instagram, you can try #smithruthwedding. There are some super cute ones posted!
Keep sweeping, Martha
PS - A HUGE thank you to Grammy and Poppa for trekking up to the Little Town to watch Baby Beeton during the wedding festivities! It was much appreciated. We owe you a dinner (at least).
Finished watching Orange Is the New Black. Onto Homeland: Season Two.
