11.17.2015

my view at dusk


Today was a good day.

I haven't been able to say that for a while now. When my pericarditis hit this fall (update soon, I promise), I didn't realize how much it was affecting me physically or emotionally until the cardiologist finally said I needed to take it seriously. I had thought - as I did after Boy Beeton was born - that I was just an inadequate mother. I had thought - because I was so tired all the time - that I was just selfish. I had thought - because I had no patience for anything or anyone - that I was just a bad person. But, it was just the illness, which on top of being physically painful, was also making me tired and depressed.

I know this because today was a good day. I woke up with energy. I played with Boy Beeton this morning. I put away the porch furniture. We went to school. I took a walk. I graded. After school, we picked up some groceries. When we got home, we played soccer in the yard until it got dark. I made dinner. We had a dance party. I calmly dealt with a before bed tantrum. I was myself again.

Keep sweeping,
Martha

Watched The Peanuts Movie.


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